How to Make a CEO Glaze Over in 30 Seconds: Say “Holistic Wellness”

Want to watch your CEO check their watch, phone, and possibly their soul for an exit strategy? Easy. Just walk into the next leadership meeting and say the magic words: “We’d like to implement an employee wellness and holistic care program.”

Boom. Immediate eye twitch. Sudden cough.“Sorry, gotta jump to another call.” 🫠

HR: Champions of Wellness, Ignored Like a Yoga Mat in the Break Room

Look, HR cares. We care about burnout. We care about mental health. We care that Kyle from marketing hasn’t taken a real lunch break since Q1.

So when we talk about wellness programs, we’re not pitching a day spa in the lobby (though… we wouldn’t hate it). We’re talking:

• Real time off that people feel safe using

• Manager training on not being a stress tornado

• Mental health resources that go beyond “try meditating”

• Flexibility that acknowledges employees are human beings, not factory equipment

  
  

Meanwhile, in the C-Suite…

The moment “burnout prevention” enters the room, execs start sweating like you just proposed giving every employee a pet therapy llama and Fridays off.

But let’s be clear: this isn’t about “coddling.” It’s about sustainability. Because burned-out, disengaged employees don’t innovate, don’t collaborate, and definitely don’t stick around long enough to hit your Q4 targets.

Wellness Isn’t Fluff—It’s Strategy (But Try Saying That With a Straight Face)

We know it sounds soft. “Holistic care” gives off major spa day energy. But underneath that lavender-scented phrasing is a real strategy: keep your humans functioning like humans.

And sure, we’ll try to rebrand it to something more palatable—“Workforce Resilience Architecture,” maybe? “Burnout Mitigation Framework”? Whatever it takes to keep the CEO in the room.

But just know: behind every “wellness program” pitch is an HR pro trying to save your talent from jumping ship or flat-out melting down.

So next time you hear us say “mental health support,” maybe don’t look at your watch. Look at your people. They’re the reason you even have a company to run.